Diane’s Story
Hospice supporter Diane remembers her parents Les and Joan, both of whom received care from St Joseph’s Hospice.
Read, in her words, why Diane supports St Joseph’s Hospice in memory of her parents Les and Joan. Les attended day services and had respite care at St Joseph’s before he died in 1998. After he died, Joan had bereavement counselling at the Hospice, and later became a volunteer for many years.
L-R Les, Diane and Joan
“My Dad Les had a terrific sense of humour. He was stoic, resilient and a wonderful Dad.
He was born an identical twin on 19th April 1918 in Camberwell, London. He married my mother Joan in 1950. She was born on 26th November 1930 at home in Albion Drive, Hackney, London. They had met at work at Brown Brothers in 1948.
They had three daughters, Judy born in 1951, Lesley born in 1953 and me born in 1963. He worked as a Sports News Disseminator for Extel, and when he retired in 1983, he volunteered for five years with pensioner’s charities working for a better later life for all.
L-R Les, Diane, Judy, Lesley and Joan at Les’ retirement party
Sadly, however, after several hospitalisations, his health began to deteriorate. In 1992, Mum gave up her job as school secretary at Gayhurst Road School in Hackney after 28 years to care for him.
He always remained positive, saying “There are always people worse off than me.”
Dad had several ‘near death’ experiences, and on one occasion I was called from my then home in Milton Keynes to go to the Homerton Hospital as he had been moved to Intensive Care following a respiratory arrest on the operating table the day before.
The journey for me seemed so long and was very difficult. On reaching the hospital out of breath, I ran to ICU and was greeted by a nurse who told me he had been moved back to the ward. I therefore flew to the ward and on entering noticing my Dad sitting bolt upright in bed, he said, “Hello love (gesturing with his hands for me to come to him), come here, apparently I caused a stir in here yesterday!”.
I said to Dad, “You stopped breathing on the operating table!”. Dad looked at me and said, “Did I? Oh, I don’t remember that! Anyway, how are you?”
That was my Dad, always thinking of others before himself.
Dad lived for another 9 years after this incident. He attended day services at St Joseph’s Hospice for a few years up to his passing in 1998. He also had respite care there. His health deteriorated rapidly following the sad and unexpected passing of my Uncle Ernie, Dad’s identical twin brother, on 9th April 1998. He said he always felt a part of him died with his brother, though maintained through life that he said to his Mother after he was born first, “Watch out, I’m being followed!”
After he passed, my Mum had bereavement counselling at the hospice before becoming a volunteer in 2000.
She absolutely loved her volunteering role. She had a great sense of humour, compassion in abundance and was also very assertive.
Joan on holiday in Lake Como in 2003
She always volunteered on Mondays, plus helped out at weekends when there were fetes, jumble sales and Christmas craft sales. She was great at enticing us to attend these events and spend money in support of the Hospice!
Mum volunteered in the café in the morning, then went onto wards to support patients with reading, chatting and sometimes feeding. I always remember that in her role at the café, Mum was very supportive of a domestic member of staff who had a dairy allergy – she was meticulous in ensuring the person’s drink was dairy free with no cross contamination, as she herself had Coeliac disease and knew how important dietary requirements were.
Joan’s Long Service Volunteering Award from the Hospice
Until 2010, Mum had been able to travel, get around independently (she was fiercely independent!) and was dedicated to her voluntary role.
Sadly, however, her own health declined and she had to give up volunteering. She remained in close contact with the Hospice who became a great support to her in helping her to manage her health conditions (Atrial Fibrillation and COPD), by inviting her to join the cardiac and respiratory support groups. Mum thoroughly enjoyed attending these and the social aspect of these groups. I attended a couple with her and was very impressed, both of us on one occasion leaving in fits of laughter.
Joan with her great-great-granddaughter Mollie in 2017. Mollie didn’t get to meet Les but her mum Daniella was very close to him and called him ‘Grampy’. Mollie has since been to visit the hospice gardens in memory of her ‘Nanna Apples’ and ‘Grampy’.
Mum was very sadly, and somewhat unexpectedly pre-deceased by my late older sister Judy on 4th June 2017, which devastated Mum. She said at the time “No parent should lose a child.” Mum was devastated at her loss and her own health gradually deteriorated until Mum sadly passed away at home in Gayhurst Road, Hackney just 8 days into the first lockdown on 31st March 2020.
I had the unenviable task of choosing who could go to her lockdown funeral, which was sparse, and we were unable to hug one another in our collective grief. This was very traumatic though the family were able to hold a ‘celebration’ of her life in August 2021. At this celebration, Mum’s friend Dinah from Gayhurst School referred to her as “the pillar of the school community” on her floral tribute.
Joan and Diane on holiday together
Supporting the Hospice through events like Light Up a Life and Flowers of Celebration helps me keep their memories alive. After Dad died, Mum religiously supported Light Up a Life in his memory, and I am keeping up this tradition in memory of them both and as a mark of respect to them both.
Joan and Les were amazing parents and though I miss them so much, I’ll always treasure the memories they left me with and feel a close connection with the Hospice because of their connections to the wonderful calming and reflective environment the Hospice is.”
